Fell Off The Wagon…

After a weekend consisting of my husband being hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism and my own laziness, my diet kind of went out the window. Partially due to lack of finances to afford healthy meals. Unfortunately 3 boxes of macaroni and cheese goes further than 3 apples. However I will be working on a meal plan and grocery list today and will go shopping tomorrow, since it will be my husbands payday.

Due to me falling off the wagon, I have gained about 4-5 lbs, so I will be starting Phase One of South Beach diet again.

As I said, what seems a thousand times, this blog is my accountability. I realized that I tend to disappear the more off track I get. Basically, if you don’t see me post for a few days, I am sliding off the track. I notice I do that, partially because I am disappointed in myself.

You’d think with my husband ending up in the hospital, with something so serious, it would give me the incentive to cherish my life. Not throw it away. I think of some of the things I have eaten recently and realize that I will quickly end up dead, like my brother. That is the reality I am facing if I don’t get my shit together.

On a good note, it’s been 23 days, and 43 minutes since my last cigarette. 🙂

 

End of Phase One Cravings. My Confession.

We left off with me talking about the dangers of weighing yourself each and every day. 🙂 I am happy to report that I am now down 14.5 lbs since I started this journey two weeks ago. I am 193 lbs. I still have a long ways to go, but it is definitely a good start.

The cravings really were not that bad…up until two days ago. That’s when pizza cravings started. I think what triggered the cravings was the appetizers I had at a Candle Party on Friday night. I had two glasses of organic wine, then was faced with platters of ham and cheese pinwheels, tostitos and cheese salsa dip, and a pumpernickel bread bowl with a spinach dip. I had about 5 pinwheels, one tostitos, and about 5 pieces of the bread with spinach dip. That was me actually using self control. Had I eaten as I have in the past, those platters would have been gone.

Last night I had another craving for wine and also for pizza. We are tight on money, so my husband did get me a $3 bottle of wine. Well actually I am not sure how much wine really is in it, The bottle said “An Apple Wine Product”. As I was drinking the wine product, I told my husband my pizza cravings had NOT gone away and that I really wanted a cheap pizza from Dominoes. He tried to talk me out of it, listing reasons why we shouldn’t order the pizza, but in the end the pizza was ordered. Mushrooms and Green Peppers on top.

Classic Cheap Wine

It seemed like the pizza took forever to get here. My salivary glands were working overtime. When the pizza finally got here, I sat, took a deep breath, and grabbed a few slices. As if to add to the sin I was about to commit, I added some Parmesan cheese on top. The first bite was heavenly. As I was working on my third slice, I thought back to my brothers autopsy report. I started wondering exactly how much plaque these slices of pizza were going to put on my arteries. I thought about how many days this pizza I had was going to take off my life. I really started feeling bad, like I was failing my brother, and myself. I felt guilty. I knowingly got a pizza that was unhealthy for me and not part of my diet.

My hands remind me of the sins I committed last night. I am allergic to alcohol and tomatoes. What it does is cause a condition I have called “Ezcema”. Basically I woke up with an itchy rash on my hands, due to my choices last night. That is Karma working her magic.

 

My hands show the sins that I committed last night.

 

Phase One of South Beach Diet is to stop eating bad carbs(breads, pastas, rice) and sugar(Including fruits). After almost two weeks I think the pizza and wine craving was due to the lack of those two things. From what the diet says is that by cutting those things out the first two weeks, it also helps get rid of the cravings…Apparently my body is built assbackwards,  because it caused me to crave those things. That or me giving in to the appetizers and wine(which I did not crave at the time), caused me to crave them.

Again…this blog is about my triumphs and my failures. I am human. Perhaps it is justification, but when I think how well I ate for two weeks, compared to how I was normally eating, I think I have come along way. Even if I did succumb to a few bad foods.

The good news is this. I start Phase Two of the South Beach Diet this week. That means I can slowly add grains and fruit back into my diet. One fruit and one grain a day to start. I can also have a glass of wine a day. So now when I have a craving for pizza and wine, I can make my own pizza dough made out of whole wheat flour and low fat cheese, and pour myself a glass of wine.

Small steps. 🙂

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Phase Two, day 14 of South Beach Diet and 12 Days, 22 hours, and 54 minutes since my last cigarette.

Day 7 of South Beach Diet

I went from 207.5 lbs to 199.0 lbs in a week. That’s a total of 8.5 lbs lost. I could have pushed myself farther than I did. I used the bike twice in the last week, not counting today.

 

Down 8.5lbs. Woohoo!

This next weeks goal will be to do: 30 minutes on the bike at least 5x’s this week. Also to successfully get in three meals and two snacks each day. And I would like to lose another 5 lbs. I don’t want to set the goal too high, because then I am setting myself up for failure. Failing is not an outcome I want this week.

Some things I have learned this past week: 1) When going to a friends house, bring my own snacks. 2)Drink lots of water to avoid constipation. 3)Excuses are not an option.

My goal when I started last week, was to be under 200lbs within a week and I successfully completed that goal. I was really afraid I may not have succeeded. I am learning failure is a choice. I do not choose to fail.

I set two HUGE goals this week..ones that people advise against or thinking is not possible. Let’s face it. When you quit smoking, you tend to eat a lot. If I did eat a lot this week, evidently it was the right foods. 🙂

If my brother was still alive, I know he would proud of me for losing weight this week and quitting smoking. I cried today, because I miss him so much and really wanted to call or text him to tell him what I did. He *IS* my inspiration. Although he died last November, last year he set his own goals and pushed himself to achieve them. He had lost over 50 lbs from January of 2013, until the day he died, by eating healthy and exercising. I just wish he would have quit smoking. But since he didn’t. I did…

Why? Cause I needed to..

Day 7, Phase 1 of South Beach Diet. Cigarette free: 6 days. 2 hrs, and 36 minutes.

Why quit smoking while trying to lose weight?

 

Well, why not?

The best way to quit a bad habit, is to pick up a good habit. So it made sense to me to replace the cigarette smoking with diet and exercise. Especially since most people who quit smoking, gain an average of 10 lbs.

Now I am “sort of” cheating. I am supplementing cigarettes with Ecigs. I do realize that its still up in the air, how safe or unsafe Ecigs are. However, ecigs do NOT have the 1000s of carcinogens and chemicals, found in traditional tobacco. I try not to smoke the ecig, unless I get an overwhelming urge to smoke, because let’s face it, an ecig is just as addicting as regular cigarettes. I know, because last time I quit, I spent a month smoking the ecig. I am basically picking the less of two evils.

My biggest motivator to quit smoking and get healthy is my brother dying, the day after Thanksgiving 2013. He was only 50 years old. He lost weight and got in shape, his cholesterol and blood pressure were at normal levels, but still he was smoking cigarettes. His death was a complete shock to our whole family.

I am only nine years younger than my brother. After he died, my own life flashed before my eyes. What I seen was a lot of trips to fast food restaurants, fattening foods, and all the baked goods I have made and eaten over the last twenty years. Shortly after he died, I called and made an appointment with a new primary care physician. I knew it was time I got some blood work done, to confirm what I already knew…

My cholesterol was high. I am not sure what my total cholesterol was, but my LDL(bad cholesterol) was 160. My doctor wants it under 130. He suggested I start the “South Beach Diet”. I put it off for a few weeks, but am glad I started it. He also wanted me to quit smoking, but only gave me a brochure on stopping smoking.

My older sister is the one who knocked some sense into me, by jumping on my ass, telling me it was time to quit. For her, for our brother Rusty, for my kids, etc. She called me yesterday with my brothers autopsy results and it confirmed, what we basically believed…Heart Attack from years of smoking. Between my dad having had bypass surgery on his heart(He was a long time smoker) and my brother dying of a heart attack, I am a strong candidate for a heart attack myself. I have six children who need me and smoking and eating like a pig, is just selfish of me.

So I am quitting smoking, eating right and exercising, because I need to.

Day 3 Phase 1 of South Beach Diet. 2 days, 2 hours, and 46 minutes, since my last cigarette.